A U
by Dancing Feather
Summary: In another Universe he was Tallest, supreme in all power and awesome. But that wasn't enough to satisfy his appetite. Deciding to break the barrier between his world and the next, he plans to not get killed by stuffed animals. :freaking hiatus:
1. The Death of Something

You love fan fiction, that is why you are here. You love Invader Zim, that is why you are in this section. But when you are in a fandom long enough, you start to see patterns, some you don't mind, but others you wished would just die. But in the end it still means the same thing, there's hardly anything new. Old plots are being recycled again and again.

Now add a amateur writer like me who has a deep love of parody.

The challenge is, to write a story with every IZ fanfic cliché and attempt to have it make some sense.

Now, I'm obviously no professional. I need your help. My English isn't the greatest, so any spelling and grammatical assistance is welcomed (also, please be sure to tell me which paragraph so I know what I'm looking for). Bad story telling wants to be corrected because who wants to take time out of their day to read shit. Now while the sentences before this one was important, I want you the reader above all else make sure I manage to write every IZ fanfic cliché before this story meets whatever ending it's going to get.

Every IZ fan knows I don't own IZ, but just as a warning since this is a cliché story I'm going to be referencing a lot of other stuff I don't own. You can call them shout outs if you recognize the random show/movie/book/game/song.

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Death of the Cthulhu  
(It sounded like a good idea at the time.)**

"You were correct sir, they surrendered."

"Excellent. And...?"

"The coordinates to Ghithevergal the Mist Worm and the formula to the Black Hole of Lilithnanhart." the advisor took the jet black disk from it's matchbox container and handed it up to the towering Irken before him.

"Finally, Ghithevergal and Lilithnanhart! You have the last pieces to the answer!" grinned the Vortian, the numbers 777 formed from the dull scars from years past on his brow. Hardly able to contain his excitement, the eight foot giant returned a soft eerie one of his own which brought nervous silents to the room.

"Thank you everyone, without you this would never be possible." He gave a slow head bow.

"T-thank you, sir!"

"S-sir!"

"Oh, Tallest!"

"Sir!"

"But you are too modest!"

"He's right, Lord. Put some pride in your work. You could've done-" The Vortian and other Irkens stopped their praise at the raise of their leader's hand.

"Xavicdal, it might have. But I doubt it would do as well." His gaze turned to his closest Vortian friend that one could have in his position. Making Xavicdal bow deeply in return with all the other Irkens following quickly after. All muttering 'sirs' in near unison.

"When do we start the Gateway of I.E. my Tallest?" Spoke up one of the advisors.

"As soon as everyone is ready. I've been itching for the challenge that had been named Improbable Existence." the deep maroon eyes narrowed which to everyone was a polite command saying 'NOW!'.

"Ready!" cried all the Irkens and ran off yelling orders down the multiple hallways. The Vortian stood up and walked to his Lord's side. Lights on the walls and celling in the hallway were too soft to form any shadows; Xavicdal's fine purple hairs almost appeared powder blue on the ends

"I never would of believed the entire observable universe was under your control if I wasn't by your side accomplishing it." Xavicdal sneered, "And the fact that your bored of your unrivaled supreme power baffles me."

"You can stay behind if you wish."

"Are you kidding? I gotta see this! Who wouldn't want to see this? This will be the greatest discovery on record! Besides, I'm curious to see if it's true. Wouldn't you want to see if there was another you?"

"Even if they are alternate dimensions everyone is one of their own. There is no such thing as a perfect replica. One may have similarities but it can never be the same." the Vortian only laughed.

"We'll soon find out what they meant by 'alternate'!" He gave a friendly slap on the hand because he was nowhere near the hight to slap him on the back. "C'mon, only you can give the final touches. The only other person who could understand this as much as you might be... 'you'."

"Maybe..."

------------

Everyone who wasn't held in place by their restrainers were thrown off by the opposing force. The black on the screen made a noise that no alien ears could understand. Irken eyes, emergency lights on the floors and control panels kept the room from darkness.

"Sir! The Leviathan can't hold it's position!"

"But The Leviathan is the strongest ship-" challenged Xavicdal.

"That's alright! Release the gravitation hold!"

"We're going to get pulled in!" Lights dimmed as a chorus of screams swam through the massive ship. Echoes of the same feeling ran across the light-year of fleet behind them. But no sound could be heard out in the dark matter of space.

"I'm sure this is what is supposed to happen!"

"Excuse me my Tallest; but NO ONE SURVIVES A BLACK HOLE!"

"We don't know that for sure! That's why we created it by Ghithevergal; we are going to go through that worm tunnel! Fire the V. Light!" Upon pushing the button, all generators stopped. White noise whispered throughout the machinery, the feeling of dread never being stronger in the conscious.

"Shit!"

"Everyone, shut all your senses off!"

"What?"

"Close your eyes and ears! Hold your breath! Any part of you that helps you understand your existence and react on this plane of reality you turn off!" Xavicdal snapped, walking to the front of the command deck, "No one is dead yet so you will still answer to your Master!" looking over his shoulder he gave a reassuring smile to the one in question. "All shields up sir?" A nod was returned back.

"All but the phasers 056 and 108."

"We didn't need them anyway..." he pushed the Irken symbol on his left shoulder that produced a low groan and brought up a white sphere of energy around him and his captain.

-  
Pure blackness is never seen, it can only be felt.  
Pure Blackness is unknown, so it is only feared.  
Pure blackness murders sound, turning your hearing senses cold.  
Pure Blackness can not be thought up, not without the loss of your mind.  
Pure Blackness' temperatures freezes stars, eliminating all matter.  
Pure Blackness is nothing.  
Without it, you can't create.  
-

Even with 7,869 shields on the outside and the 583 on the inside along with personal lock-down cages, he could feel the effect of the nothing getting to him. Emptiness, memories of years past played around him speeding by. Unable to change or stop it's course, he fell to his knees. He knew what was coming, he saw the scene first-person from both her and him every time the lights would leave.

"_It was going to happen anyways... it just came... a little early..."_

"_No! Stop saying that! Your going to make it! We will pull through this!"_

"_Heheh... That's why I love you... You are so-"_

_She was interrupted by her own pathetic attempt at coughing up the blood from her ripped lungs. She tried hard to focus through her broken glasses to her beloved Irken before her but what little blood ran through her broken system was fighting it's way to the heart. Her brown eyes stayed foggy and dull, blind to the one holding her._

"_We were going to be happy together! We were going to be... forever..."_

"_Zim, nothing lasts... forever..."_

"My Tallest! Wake up! My Tallest, we made it!"

Zim's eyes snapped open only to close again from the bright lights on the ceiling. Sitting up, he put his head in his hands as a migrating migraine began making it's entrance to his pounding head.

"My Tallest, we are under attack!" Pain was forced into the subconscious as he stood up making all personals' necks snap up once again to the tower.

"What are we being attacked by?"

"Well... actually, we do not know for sure. It's some sort of energy eating monster of doom." the blue eyed Irken pointed at the screen, showing in high definition a beast of pearl light, soft blue and purple veins could be barely seen. It resembled a squid, but had a greater number of tentacles. It jerked unnaturally everywhere... in fact it seemed to be randomly exploding.

"Of... doom?"

"I really don't know where that came from my Lord."

"Where did this creature some from?" He looked back at the screen. The Leviathan vibrated from the after-shocks of the violent explosions.

"All we know about it sir is that we came from it."

"What?" he turned his attention back to those nearer to the floor.

"I _said_..." Xavicdal began again, "we came from it. Sir, it's our exit and entrance from our home reality." The power flickered as the ship was pushed back by the final implosion.

After the plasma cleared, the screen showed a familiar star system. The coordinates, if this place was similar to his... He knew where they are. Just a few billion light-years from-

"Sir! The creature has completely disappeared!"

"You idiot, it blew up!" Xavicdal slapped the Irken, "What remains of our fleet?"

"The creature ate over 785x7500x463804 of our troops! We're stuck here and doomed!" The Vortian sighed as he walked up to the deck and placed his fingers on the alert pad.

"Attention all able Irken scouts; the monster that imploded ahead of you is the secret of going home, I want you to find more of these things and find out how they live! We will probably need to learn how to breed the damn things if we wish to go home!"

"Xavicdal..." he whispered as he walked up to the flustered alien.

"Uh, yes sir?" he lifted his hand off the pad and turned to face up.

"More than likely the way back is different. This is an alternate dimension."

"Good point sir." he looked away blushing just slightly; embarrassed by the childish act he commended. His friend only nodded back and walked to the starlit screen.

"It is fine, in fact..." a most grimacing smile formed on his face, one that no one had seen for years. "This is just it! After conquering my entire universe; where was the thrill? Where was the challenge? WHERE WAS THE ANSWERS?!?" he boomed, his well kept temper now rattling free. He began pacing back and forth as everyone scrambled to the other side of the room. Their angered leader was more dangerous than any damaged Mist Worm. "NO MATTER WHAT I DID I STILL COULDN'T FIND THE ANSWERS!" He grabbed the nearest chair and ripped it from the flooring. Everyone hid behind desks and counters as he threw it into a wall making a large dent and deep wavering ring throughout the room. Choking back a sob, he stumbled into the communications chair.

"Hey big guy." Xavicdal whispered ten feet away, far in the danger zone.

"I lost my temper _again_..." He wiped his face with his hands, "I apologize." as he stood up again.

"No problem sir." he grinned, "Now where to?" Tallest Zim looked behind him to the screen map as a grid computed, organized and processed new information.

**Leviathan saving new information on Hard Disk, 697300.0204 B4 N07H1N6 Drive.**

He watched billions of names being downloaded from million of advanced neighbor's radio signals many light-years away. So many similar to his reality and yet... wait. His eye's widened on the name that past by in the rapid computer sorting. "Stop! Continue saving but bring up sector 304H568/8EE9 on screen please." A 3D hologram of stars, asteroids, planets, black holes, wormholes and more came up covering the entire ceiling. "Cube DFE01/3L637/92/Z072." Cutting out a cube from the map, it brought a closeup of at least a thousand solar systems. Some were way off from memories of his counterpart world, others... "System-cut out YEK90LL.589gH." Xavicdal gave a gasp, Zim's eye's narrowed, "What is the name of this star?"

**Sun.**

"Name the planets, in order please." his voice shaking.

**Mercury, Venus, Earth, Ceres, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and Charon, Eris, and Sedna.**

"Where these names given by those who came from... Earth?"

**Yes.**

"Everyone prepare The Leviathan to go to sector 304H568/8EE9, Cube DFE01/3L637/92/Z072, and system-cut YEK90LL.589gH. That will be our first take over!"

"Yes, my tallest!" ran throughout the room, a very concerned Vortian leaped over to his leader.

"Sir, the planets, moons, asteroids and star may be the same... but you don't know if she's there!"

"If not someone almost just like her, someone with only one thing missing that made her..._ her_. This is an alternate universe Xavicdal."

"This isn't right Zim!"

"Right is all an opinion. I'm only curious, my friend. Aren't you?"

_**Somewhere on Earth...**_

"Dammit Zim! That wasn't right!" the little green alien tilted his head back for the most cruel evil laughter he could make himself do while balancing a junk pile. Dib shook himself the best he could to remove the orange goo that covered him thickly.

"Your right is WRONG, Dib-goo! I am curious to what Zim will DOOM you with! Aren't you curious too?"

* * *

Mars isn't mentioned because Zim destroyed it in the episode Battle of the Planets. Dib parked Mercury back where it belongs but if it orbits still I don't know. I own the poem, Pure Blackness (since I personally wrote the poem myself, triple cliché points). Pronounce Ghithevergal (Gith-ever-gall), Lilithnanhart (Lill-ith-nan-heart), Cthulhu (Khlul'-hloo), and Xavicdal (Zav-ick-del).

Okay, first chapter has about twelve clichés, lets see if I can do better on the next chapter...


	2. You Thought Walking Uphill Sucked

**Chapter 2: It's Only Going Downhill From Here**

"You mean this goo won't doom me?" Dib flicked the thick liquid on his hands to the nearby bush setting it on fire.

"No, why would it do that?" Zim's arms dropped to his sides as he stared at the burning bush. "It just ignites everything you touch."

"Oh GREAT!" whined Dib sitting on a rock, setting that alight too, "Thats even better!"

"I know! Isn't it?"

"No." Dib sighed, placing his hands on his face, luckly that didn't go on fire.

"You aren't amazed at Zim's aMAZING-ness?" He shouted, shocked that Dib wasn't amazed.

"No."

"Oh..." antennae drooped on both sides of Zim's head, "Wait, why NOT? It is very brilliant!"

_**On the Leviathan...**_

"Yes, I think it's... clever. But I think it's on the strong side of too dangerous."

"Why? If it answers and is friendly we can replace all missing troops from the realm jump." Zim's large eyes narrowed and gave a small warning smirk. "Who wouldn't want to join the force to take over the Universe and Galaxies?"

"Someone already trying to accomplish it?" the advisor shrugged.

_**Meanwhile on the Massive...**_

"Sirs, we have received a message from the Massive."

"What are YOU talking about? We are on the Massive!" Purple spat through mashed red goo.

"What does the message say?" Red shoved what appeared to be green raspberry tarts into his co-leader's mouth as he then quickly floated over to the communication desk and looked over the servant's shoulder.

"It's asking to speak to the leader face to face."

"Don't they mean, _leaders_?" Purple swallowed the juicy fruity thing.

"Maybe it's a miscommunication." Red shrugged.

"_I_don't like it." His partner frowned back, placing his hands on his hips.

"Sirs, what do you wish we would do?"

"Get me a soda." Red shrugged again. The Irken not realizing the sarcasm, ran out of the room in search of the soda. Red grinned and took place where the previous guy sat and wrote out a response.

**Prepare to get your asses kicked; _suckers!_**

**Love, The Tallest**

_**Back on the Leviathan...**_

"Sir that does not look at all friendly."

"I think this is better."

"How so, sir?"

"If they submitted right away, they may not fear us or take us seriously. I like this forward approach this leader has." Zim grinned. "This will be the first challenge." he purred, fingers twitching in anticipation as he looked over the words again. ERROR flashed in multiple languages around the name of the supposed ship that the message came from, The Leviathan. So what was the true name of his soon-to-be servants? "Tell them the exact coordinates where we will be waiting for them."

"Yes sir!"

_**Massive...**_

"What the-? Do they want to die?" Red pounding the touch board.

"What the heck was that?" exclaimed Purple using a tone that only he could get away with. Crossing his arms he hovered in front as all the frightened Irkens hid behind him as a shield against Red's wrath.

"None of the last Invaders are EVEN close to finishing their missions." he turned his chair so he could face his partner, his four fingers locked together, "We're bored. So, while we are waiting for the okay to blast another BIGILLION species off their planet why don't we kill an army will be facing in the future anyways?" he then placed his head on his hands giving the look, 'any questions?'

"Sounds good! But whats with the temper tantrum?"

"Look at this! They gave us exact coordinates to were they are going to be!" he pounded the counter again as he stood up, causing the servants to push and shove each other franticly to stay behind Purple.

"Yea I see; whats so bad about that?"

"It's as if they've never heard of the Massive."

"So they're inexperienced."

"Think Purple, who hasn't heard of the Massive?"

"Nobody I know." Red glared at him, making Purple think what was going on MIGHT be serious. "Only primitive species who worship their star and stuff?"

"Exactly." Red nodded, "The Irken Empire is so spread out that any alien species doing their space exploration outside their system has to at LEAST heard of us."

"Uh, sir, the coordinates they gave us is the exact ones we're at right now."

"What?"

"LOOK AT THAT! IT'S HUUUUUGE!"

"_What?_" Red challenged again but his eyes along with hundreds of others followed up to the screen, the mentioned ship was hard to make out till the camouflage shield dropped, and even then it was still hard to make out. It was more than huge, it was gigantic, it was even more than _massive_...

The black ship stopped within a half of a light year away. Which was probably a good thing, it appeared to have a thin layer of atmosphere that was created by the billions of generators hinting at the fact that it had a gravity pull similar to a planet. Heck, it HAD to be bigger than Sirus Minor. Red fell back in the chair as others followed suit to the ground, it really was a sight that took your breath away; and possibly your thoughts too. Smaller dots flew around the ship, swarming into a deep Burgundy cloud, undoubtedly their enemies' army.

The screen then changed to their opposer, their exterminator. And if it couldn't get anymore aggravating, he was Irken, not short- but tall. Worthy of being Tallest in fact, as his Maroon eyes narrowed on his prey and a thin smile cleaved across his face, he was even taller than they.

"Greetings, I am Tallest of planet Kri, Ruler of dimension Ghithevergal and Lilithnanhart, and soon to be ruler of your dimension. Prepare to be annihilated."

"Don't we get a say on the matter?" Questioned Purple, unbelievably un-fazed by it all.

"Uh, no?" he blinked, astounded by the calmness of his victim. Red quickly placed his hands over his antennae noticing Purple's quivering lip.

"WE'RE DOOMED!!! DOOOOMED!!! DOOOOOOMED!!! Ah-! AHHH-! AAAHHHH!!! AAAHHHHHHH-

_**Lets not forget about Earth now!**_

Zim screamed a little girly scream as burning objects were thrown at him.

"Yea I think this is pretty stupid Zim... STUPID on your part!" laughed Dib as he chased Zim around the junkyard, his gooey footprints burned brightly swaying to the wind.

"NOTHING is stupid about ZIM'S parts!" he ducked again as burning sheet metal flew over his head and into a pile that became a bonfire in a matter of seconds stopping Zim in his tracks. "By HYUMAN law, you are SOOOO DOOMED."

"You would be taken in as my accomplice!" Dib sneered, grabbing a crowbar and wielding it like a Star Wars fan would (because he so is).

"NEVER! Zim w-" Zim was slammed in the head by a speeding green dog.

"MASTA I MISSEDED YOOOOUUU!" the green creature of terror began to slobber his master.

"GIR!" Zim cried, thoroughly disgusted with the smelly slime and all shoved Gir back.

"But my lord! Yous got a message from the Tallest!"

"Message?" Zim stopped shoving, "For Zim?"

"You are to report back immediately!" Gir began the Tango, "We're doomed! Oh yea!" as he shoved his hip into Dib's causing his disguise to go up in flame, "Whooo!"

"It appears my affray with you today has ENDED Dib-filth!" Zim tossed some fairy dust over Gir, abolishing the flame in milliseconds. He then tossed a saddle on Gir's back and jumped on as Gir began his rockets, "To the secret lair, Gir!"

"No! Zim! Give me that dust first!" Dib ran after them but it was no use, not even an army jet could beat Gir at flying speed, but it could beat Gir at flying.

"AIEEE! GIR! FLY UP! UUUP!"

_**On the Leviathan....**_

"What are these large hauls on each side of the... The Massive?" The long finger tapped on the hologram making it waver.

"Scanners say they are food storage pods."

"What-? On the side of the ship?"

"Um... yes."

"What odd placement."

"My Tallest, if I could have a word on the matter, I think it's pretty stupid."

"Xavicdal, this design is probably a boast of ego." the leader said in what almost sounded like a hopeful tone.

"Can we shoot it and see what happens sir?" the Vortian pushed the matter.

"Sure," Zim grinned after a pause, "why not."

_**On the Massive...**_

"The Massive is going down!" One of the navigators cried amongst the shouts and screams in chorus in the background.

"We can't go down! We're in space!" Purple stated one of the obvious laws of space.

"They have taken possession of our snacks!"

"WHAT?" Red cried before the main doors were blown from their hinges and thrown across the room nearly hitting Purple.

"In the name of Kri you will surrender!" voices of the enemy stated. The other Irkens turned to their leaders for some encouragement, to scream that this is impossible and that they would fight back, or to retreat- but they just stood there as the room filled quickly with reinforcements. Some Irkens upon being cuffed and taken pushed their life button taking some of the force with them.

_'How... how did this happen?'_ Ran through Red's head over and over, occasionally looking over at his partner for reassurance but it seemed Purple too was doing the same. They were the most powerful force, or at least they thought they were. And there was no warning of this end, no nothing giving a hint to this _massive_ takeover. Sort of like how the last Tallests where eaten alive, which made Red give a nervous chuckle. He was so sure that was how he and his co-leader's lives were going to end, _'Oh well...'_

"We're doomed." Squeaked Purple.

_'Ah, there we go, the understatement.'_

_**On Earth, in a supposedly very secret lair...**_

He stopped his special plan of destroying the Dib for this. He had risked his life ridding Gir across the city and crashing into the attic window. He scrambled down to his extra special wide television to sigh in distress that he didn't catch it in time. Grabbing the remote to replay the message, so the stupid red blinking light would go away, he read it's subject title.

"It's not a special message just for Zim?" He felt another tantrum growing.

"No! It's a message sent to alllll invaders!" Gir chimed from in the kitchen, today has been a wonderful day! What a better way to celebrate than to cook something edible? Zim felt a slight shiver grow up his spine as he already smelt the whatever burn into a crisp and it's remains in black smoke rise from the kitchen into the living room.

"Gir! What did I say about making... whatever you are making?" He searched for the right button out of the countless red and blue on his remote.

"Don't talk to me in that tone!" came the sniffling answer, "If you touch me there again there will be hell to pay!" It was then Zim decided that doing 'parent control' on the television to prevent 'children' from watching 'dangerous material' was sounding like a good idea. Silently praising himself on finally finding the right button, he pressed it firmly and then giddily ran to the couch to watch the message.

_'Well, even if it wasn't just for Zim it still has to be really something if all the invaders were called!'_

_**On the Leviathan... again...**_

"We have 73.8% of their control sir."

"I think that is safe enough for me to board."

"Main casualties are from the main space battle and... explosive suicides? All the same, we are keeping enough alive as we can."

"I'm pretty sure that as long as none of them die on purpose by our means we will be safe."

_**Meanwhile, somewhere else on Earth...**_

He had to admit, it was a cool idea. Being able to burn things by just touching them and not getting harmed yourself. _'But I would never admit that to Zim!'_ he thought looking at his almost dry hands. Besides, it got annoying when he could light up things not normally lit by a simple match; and it got really annoying when touching didn't just include his hands, everywhere he walked was leaving a small trail of fire.

"I can't wait for this to dry." He mumbled as he looked over his shoulder to his trail. "And I can't go home," as a squirrel ran passed the line of fire and disintegrated into ash, "I'll just burn the place down... wait!" he stopped on the sidewalk, a smile now returning to his pale face, "That's it!" he jumped on a white outdoor restaurant table, "I'll go to Zim's house! I will just hang around burning his house down until he gives me the antidote! He can't refuse!" Dib was brought back to reality when his foot slipped on the melting plastic.

"Someone call the police! This child is crazy!" wailed one of the waitresses.

"Whoops! Sorry!" Dib called out as he jumped off the remains and broke into a run.

"I want a refund." Hissed a man wearing sunglasses.

_**Now on the Massive... again, again...**_

It was an interesting design, nothing inside looked very balanced but it held strong. He could only recall only two other rival ships he had to deal with that could survive a plasma beam from The Leviathan and he was glad this one made the list. He was almost sure now that this could be the sister ship to his, even though they looked almost nothing alike. After a brief reading on The Massive's history he was almost sure of it now, their names held a strong theme for one.

"But The Leviathan is the better name by far." he told himself. As he ducked his head down to enter the main control room.

"Why haven't you killed us yet?" Red barked at Zim.

"I'm not going to kill any of you." he said simply.

"What?"

"Why not?" Red stared at Purple with his jaw hanging, _'do you want to be killed?'_

"I will not due to the unknown of what will happen if we willingly kill you."

"What?" his head snapped back.

"If any of your soldiers are mirrors of mine, one might die due to the other's non-existents. Of course, we don't know that for sure but we don't want to push the possibility."

"What?"

"I don't like leaving people I rule in the dark, so I will tell you the best I can. We are far from another universe, another _dimension_ you might say." Zim put his arms behind his back. "Because your life maybe connected to another one of my crew and visa versa I wish that you do not try to do anything brash or harmful to yourself."

"Your kidding." Red narrowed his eyes.

"And what do you call yourself, almighty leader?" Purple squeaked as Red slapped him.

"As my new _jesters_ you will call me by Tallest Zim."

Just as he was about to be pissed off at being assigned to be clowns with his squeaky partner, the words 'Tallest' and 'Zim' being strung into one hit him hard. It couldn't be the same Irken! Even if he did grow taller than they which is_ impossible_, he sounded and acted nothing like that loser from academy. It _couldn't_ be...

Purple was the first to lose it.

"Bwahahahahaha!"

It didn't take long for Red to join him.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Pardon?" Zim narrowed an eye.

"No... no, really-" Purple heaved, "Who are you?"

_**Back on Earth...**_

"Dib, I can't see the television! Move out of the way!"

"No Zim! I will stay right here until you give me the antidote!" Dib cried back. It was an infuriating situation, Dib was so sure his plan was full-proof but as always something had to go wrong.

"_You're doomed now Zim! Now witness your house burn away to rubble!"_

"_Ha! Please Dib, the house is made of holograms!"_

"_It is? How come you never get wet when it rains?" Zim froze from his gloat fest._

"_I don't know."_

He didn't like his backup idea but someone had to do it. He was humanity's only hope. It sure didn't feel dignified that he was blocking an alien from watching some show, but what were you going to do?


	3. That's Several Years of Bad Luck

**Chapter 3: Breaking Boundaries**

"I said that my name is Tallest Zim," he said, still trying to keep his voice level. Tallest Zim felt disgusted, he felt as if he has wasted over twenty minutes trying to persuade these two this simple fact. Pacing for the first time was not at all helping his temper and he was afraid he was going to lose it soon. "Surely it is not _that_ hard to believe..." despite what he thought was a reassuring comment, the two previous leaders were still giggling.

"S-sure..." Purple's shoulders shook, "W-whatever you s-say..."

"But... but really," Red coughed, "what is your real name?"

"I AM TALLEST ZIM!" he roared, throwing his arms into the air, "IF YOU PAIR OF FOOLS CAN'T GRASP IT, THAN PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR DOOM-" he then froze, a curious look began to grow upon his face, "Doom?" he said carefully, "Of all the technical, dangerous and descriptive words I could of used I took a silly simple word?"

"I dunno," Purple murmured, "I think doom wraps it up pretty well."

"You think so?" one of Zim's fingers rose to his head and rubbed the place that the human would call 'under the nose', except an Irken doesn't have a nose to rub under.

"Well, you said if we didn't stop than you'd doom us." Purple shrugged, "And dooming refers to an untimely unfortunate end."

"You sound like you could be a good advisor." Tallest Zim smiled.

"Why, thank you!" Purple beamed.

"What are you doing?" hissed Red behind his left hand trying to be inconspicuous, "Are you making friends with the enemy? For a moment there he just sounded like the idiot we sent to uncharted space!"

"Hey, I call them when I see them." his partner in question replied back rather casually with a shrug.

_**Somewhere in a undisclosed place on Earth...**_

When Dib found out that Zim was trying to watch an emergency message sent by his leaders, he told Zim that he would let him watch, if only if he could watch too. Zim who was flustered and was very glad to finally hear an out said he could, just as long as he didn't tell anybody. Dib said he wouldn't, which was an obvious lie (like Zim's mission). But since no one listened to Dib it didn't matter (like Zim's mission).

Commanding his PAK to bring up a forcefield, Zim sat in peace on the left side of the couch while the right side that contained Dib steadily burned away. Pushing the desired button to make the message play the television screen showed snow for a brief few seconds before it flickered to a panicked looking Tallest with servants running around in the background.

"_Hello? Is this thing on?" One of Red's few but slim fingers tapped the screen before clearing his throat and screaming, "All Invaders are ordered to abort their mission! Abort! The Armada is under attack and we are being overwhelmed!"_

"What? But Zim is so close to conquer!"

"No you aren't!" Dib said as his arm slipped from the charred sofa arm that broke off to the floor.

"Shut up!" Zim snapped, obviously very emotional about the subject, "No talking while the movie is playing!" Zim then pushed a button that caused the volume to go up.

"_We need outsiders to sneak in and assassinate the enemy's leader!" Red's face was then pushed aside by a lavender and white gloved hand and the second leader gave his words of advice,_

"_Killing his soldiers would be a nice bonus too!"_

"_Shut it!" Red pushed his partner back, "Repeat: all invaders are to abort previous mission! In five our sensors will give you the information you need to proceed to your next contract!"_

There was the sound of metal caving in on itself and the transmission fuzzed out and ended. Slipping off the couch, Zim placed the remote on the coffee table. Hearing a dull crunch, he turned around to see Dib stand up from the smoldering black scraps of a once obnoxious colored couch and pat his clothes of any charcoal. Then, hearing a sharp twang of metal, both he and Dib turned to see Gir standing absolutely still except for the tears that began to form mysteriously. An aluminum tray and it's unnameable treats dropped and left forgotten on the floor in front of him. Just as the eerie silents began to bother both Zim and Dib, the little robot began to tremble,

"OH MY GOD!" It shrieked. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO COUCH?"

_**Back where the three tallest Irkens are...**_

"If you two are finished bickering," Tallest Zim walked over to the main control panel, "I would like it if you two gave me the passwords so I can control this wonderful ship without having to tear up mainframes or skulls." Tallest Zim was preparing himself for the real challenge now, there's no way that the leaders of such a ship and an equally strong willed crew was going to give away the passwords easily. Your pride is as great as your ship as they say. Or as they say on some other universe.

"Donuts." Purple flinched as Red jabbed him in the side with his elbow.

"What?" Tallest Zim jerked his head up from the stats board.

"Donuts is the password." Purple repeated rubbing his arm and glaring at Red.

"For... everything?"

"Well, yea." Tallest Zim stared at the purple eyed leader for a sign that he was joking, but he couldn't find any. No sign that this Irken meant anything less than the honest truth. Just to make sure, he typed the password in for the new leader protocol. It accepted the password. Trying to understand the simplicity so his brain didn't break, he thought that maybe, maybe they did it because it was so silly, so stupid that no one trying to override the system would even think of trying 'donut' for all 151 codes.

"What is your name?" he wanted to know, since he's been so nice for a kidnap victim.

"Purple!"

_'Well, that won't be hard to remember...' _Tallest Zim thought with a smirk, "Um, nice name."

"Thanks! Also, don't forget the ignition key."

"Right..."

_**Back on Earth, something new was burning...**_

With the regretful (but somewhat thankful) assistants of the other, the human and the alien just made it out alive. Gir was in absolute hysterics. Well, since he is naturally to bring the reader the idea that this was so much more worse than normal the author decided to tell them that it was really bad. The two combatants, each with their own laser gun (Dib swiped his from Zim) were now hiding behind the once white picket fence.

"What was THAT?" Dib coughed out.

"You idiot! You destroyed Gir's one and only true love!" Zim hissed at him while holding his head in his hands. "I may never get back into my base again!"

"I thought his true love was you." Dib ducked as a burning Gnome soared overhead.

"You make me sick Dib, did you know that?"


	4. Hope They Get Discount

**Chapter 4: In Which Two Losers Attempt to Buy a Couch**

"...and why should I help you buy a couch?" Dib motioned the hand signal that represented 'large furniture' as both he and Zim walked down the side walk and further away from the danger zone. "That's basically giving you the keys to the planet!"

"Because if you don't, you stupid big-headed worm, Gir will continue to exact his revenge on you!" Zim shivered, hoping that the revenge would only be kept to the stupid human and not his precious self.

"What's so scary about a stupid alien's servant robot?" Dib questioned angrily at his now folded arms.

"There are keys to this planet?" Zim rubbed something both he and Dib shared in common, a chin.

_**Meanwhile, billions of miles away, but is slowly closing the gap...**_

"Despite all that has been done, you have been really helpful," Tallest Zim made sure his smile got no larger than a mild smirk, "Purple, would you please join me as my left side man?" he ignored Xavicdal's uncomfortable shifts of weight to one hoof to the other. Surely his silly jealously wasn't going to get in the way of how important this mission was, he thought.

"I ...can't." Tallest Zim's face slipped from it's perch on his left hand. He knows the ex-leader was weird, (like everyone else in this universe) but somehow Zim just could never expect what he would say or do. He rose from his seat, determined to get this Irken to see his way. People like him may seem like a nuisance, but are much useful to have on your side just in case an unknown enemy shows up.

"But this job holds more promise than the previous jester suggestion. It would also comfort your people much more and make them feel less like a take over and more like an alliance."

"No, I'm mean, I'd like to- but I can't." Purple gave a nervous grin.

"Why not?"

"Uh," Purple shifted his shoulders from his place by Red's side, "...we're tied up."

"Gracious, how did I not notice that?" The Tallest blinked, dumbfounded at his deteriorating observational skills. _'This universe is staring to really concern me, maybe my poor Vortian friend was right...'_

"The author never bothered to bring up the detail." Purple began to stretch his muscles after Xavicdal finished removing him from his bondage and then applying the extra rope to Red who was now shaking in anger and turmoil in how his much 'slower' friend was getting the job that applied more to him. Purple always said if he didn't become Tallest that he wanted to be a puppeteer.

_'What? Author?'_ Tallest Zim decided to give a little laugh, maybe it was a joke, "How... odd."

'_Why is it going like this? It's like everything is going backwards from the way it should!' _Red gritted his teeth. He had no idea how he was going to do it, especially now it seemed he was heading for the detainer, but it wasn't going to end like this. The Irken Empire bows to no one, you would have to be a defect to not consider shooting yourself as a last resort to serve anyone else but the Tallest. And as he was being shoved down into the dark rooms below he only hoped his Invaders have gotten the message and were waiting accordingly for the next message. Hearing a heavy door close behind him, he also hoped they would be patient. He had no idea when he would be able to get out of the dead zone.

_**Somewhere on a sidewalk...**_

"So Zim, do your people have a nemesis?" Dib kicked a poop can out of his walking path, regardless of what of could have been inside. Thankfully it was empty.

"Huh?" Zim had the look and the sound of someone who didn't process information.

"Do you Irkens have a great and powerful enemy?"

"Nonsense!" Zim giggled as he waved a hand in Dib's direction as if he were a mentally challenged smeet that asked an equally retarded question, "Silly Dib-worm, there isn't a single creature- well, smart ones anyways who doesn't fear the great Irken Empire!"

"Suppose they're really powerful stupid beasts,"_ 'Like how the Earth is being run...'_ Dib added in his head bitterly, "Whatever is going on, it was so great that they are calling you off your mission-"

"Zim is not being called off of his mission!" he snapped in Dib's face causing him to back up a few feet, "I will stop at NOTHING to make sure that I have you INDISPOSED and this planet under my Tallest' fingers! I will-" Zim stopped his speech when he became aware of his surroundings. Adults, children and teens of all sorts had paused their daily routine to see what was creating so much commotion. But when they noticed that it was just a pair of nerds they went back to normal life, shaking their heads at the spectacle. Zim and Dib coughed and avoided all gazes, one embarrassed at almost reveling himself and the other depressed because yet again, couldn't prove to the world that he wasn't as insane as he looked.

"Oh hey, we're here." Dib found himself saying in a sullen tone, raising his head up to look at the bright shinny letters above the door and equally bright posters announcing never ceasing sales.

"Funny, Zim thought that this store said it was going out of business months ago." Zim peeked inside the store through it's large picture window curiously. Dib tried not to snicker as Zim's legs dangled a good few inches off of the ground. He seemed to be as short as Dib's head was big.

"Zim, furniture stores are like zombies, they never die." Zim slipped from his perch.

"They eat brains?"

_**Now somewhere in a dungeon....**_

"Hello? Can you hear me now? Can you- dammit!"

_**Somewhere in an undisclosed furniture store...**_

"EUGH! Are you stupid Dib? That is a HORRIBLE color! It would completely clash with Zim's living room!"

"Your entire house clashes with itself Zim, does it matter?" Dib started to wonder how really superior Zim's eyes really were if they did not see that. "This one is in our budget range," he patted it with his left hand on the teal sea stripped sofa for emphasis, "unlike that designer's one!" Dib swung his right arm dramatically to the really nice couch which was designed to fit in any living room situation which meant that it was pale and would show stains easily. The fact of it showing stains easily already sung out to Dib that this couch was not for pets, or a stupid alien's servant robot. Zim narrowed his contact covered eyes at the Dib, his crossed arms held firmly as intimidating as he could.

"Do you think we could sneak out with the couch?"

Dib groaned, "Places like this Zim have things called surveillance cameras." He moved Zim's head to face one of the many black orbs on the great store ceiling. "We'll get caught."

"We are being monitored? Oh no!" Zim slapped his gloved hands against his very green head, "They might've heard about all of my plans involving the dancing cactus!"

_'One would think so...'_ Dib pulled out his wallet to recount the green he had. It looked like he didn't even have enough for the couch he suggested. _'but they would be wrong.'_

"Well I won't let them report to their master!" Zim screeched and before Dib's brain could even process the actions committed Zim shot out the majority of the cameras in the immediate area and commanded his spider legs to take the designer couch and run out of the store.

"Oh my God."


	5. WHOAH

**Chapter 5: Oh My God**

"Zim! Zim you idiot!" Dib tried hard to shout, but when your lungs are being used for things like running at an insane pace to try to stop an alien who is not only faster than you, but can still hold practically the same speed even when holding a good sized couch, was irritating Dib to no end. Actually, what was really bothering Dib was the fact that it seemed he was the only one chasing Zim. Even if someone had witnessed the event, no one acted like it happened.

Oh well, nothing new.

_**Now siting in the throne room...**_

"Oh oh oh!" Purple clapped his hands excitedly together, "Now do the one joke with the Klaymen puppets!" Red narrowed his eyes that were now laced thick with makeup that helped improve his image for the silly actions he had been doing for what felt like hours to him. His PAK told him it had only been an hour and eight minutes with twenty four seconds still counting, but he was really starting to consider getting it a maintenance check._ 'Or maybe upgrade it...'_ he shifted uncomfortably making the bells on the ruffled ends on his new outfit jingle, _'...so it can tell me how much of my life is being wasted away.'_

"Clay... men?" Zim leaned over his chair.

"You wouldn't believe it even if you saw the planet yourself!" Purple started excitedly, "The planet was flat! And get this... completely made out of clay! Even the people and the food they ate! Weird huh?"

"What were the properties? Was there some sort of radiation causing the clay to live?"

"If there was it would've been radiation clay!" Purple grinned before turning to his old partner, "Now do it!" he ordered, pointing his long skinny finger at him.

_'He's enjoying this way too much.' _Red inwardly groaned, not ever thinking that if their roles had been switched he would've done the exact same thing. Turning towards the large puppet box, he switched the blue Koala alien and the skinny pale green alien with one googlely eye and many legs to two humanoid creatures with multiple different colored earthy toned skin. "This play is called," Red then took in a deep breath, "How to Conquer a Retarded Clay Planet in Less than Thirty Minuets."

"No." Zim raised his righteous right hand, "This play is called off."

"What? Why?" Purple whined.

"I'm not comfortable with this." Zim tapped his fingers on the arm rests.

"Not comfortable?" Red scoffed as Purple's jaw still hung lose, "It's a comedy, and it just started."

"It's racist." Zim waved his hand, "I never want to see this play in my presences again."

"Oh my God!" Purple began to wipe his face that was now covered in tears, "How did I not see it?"

_'But that's why it's funny.' _Red rolled his eyes, some people never get it.

_**Somewhere outside an undisclosed furniture store...**_

When Dib finally reached Zim's base, he came in time to see an event he thought would never happen. In fact, it was so unlikely to happen it never crossed his mind. At the doorstep Zim was on his knees, head low, bowing. Standing in the open doorway was Gir, and he didn't look pleased at all with the new couch that was sitting out on the lawn. The entire scene reminded Dib of a teenager that came home late after hours.

"You think you can just replace COUCH?" Gir screamed, one hand on his nonexistent hip, "You're just as bad as Mary... Worse!" he corrected himself. Zim's eyes widened.

"Please Gir! I fought hard to save the couch, I really did!" what was really weird was that Zim sounded sincere, begging like that.

"No! You just stood there and watched her burn!"

"There's nothing more I want to do than go back in time and change my mistake!"

"You better!" Gir began to cry again, "Couch... Couch was everything to me!" soon enough Gir was uncontrollably sobbing; not that he controlled most of his actions anyways. Zim tried to take advantage of this and put a comforting arm around his metal partner, but when he tried to Gir pulled away. Growling, Zim turned back to the rejected couch to notice Dib's presences.

"What do you want now-" Zim paused for a moment before thinking of the right word, "...murderer?" Dib gulped as Gir's eyes flashed red for a brief second. "I couldn't save couch," Zim said the next words very slowly, "but you were the one who burned the couch. Dib, you killed couch with your bare hands."

"Murderer?" Dib licked his lips nervously, "If I recall correctly, it was you, Zim, who threw the flammable jell on me so I would burn everything I touched." He gave an inward sigh of relief as he saw Gir glare back at Zim who looked shocked to see the blame thrown back at him so quickly.

"No! No I didn't!" he squeaked, "I was going to use that jell in an experiment! You stole that jell and used it against me!" Gir turned his glare back to Dib.

"Yea you used that jell on an experiment!" Dib stood firm, "That experiment was me!" Again Zim felt the red lights scan over his head.

"Uh, uh... You!" he pointed at Dib, trying to think of a good comeback, "You lier!"

"Oh please!" Dib rolled his eyes.

"How dare you lie to Gir!" Zim felt a little more confident, "Face the consequences of your actions!"

"Walk the talk, alien!"

"Nonsense! My face is only for talking! My species has feet for walking!"

"That's not how the saying goes!"

"Sure! Why don't you lie some more lier?"

"I'm not lying!"

"Lier!"

"Shut up Zim!"

"LIIIERRRRR-"

"Guuuys! Weren't we all suppose to be friends? Like... like cuttlefish?" Gir began to stutter, "B-but now someone d-dear to me h-has died because of your ch-childish RIVALRY!" he then fell to his nonexistent knees, "I don't know what to believe anymore!" he gasped, "IT CAN'T BE BUTTER!"

"Follow whatever your heart tells you to." The house computer suggested from inside the house, go figure.

"Computer, Gir doesn't have a heart!" Zim corrected without thinking about the consequences. Smirking at his ingenious he didn't notice the cold hard stare he got from a once cuddly individual.

"YOU... YOU BASTARD!"

An explosion followed.

"Hah! So much for loyal robot servant!" Dib grinned madly running out into the street with Zim. He was so happy in fact, he was shaking. Even though the shaking was also due to being very terrified of almost being killed by that so called loyal servant, but he never felt this close to winning before. He's never seen Zim so upset before. Something was going right, for once.

_**Now in a dungeon like place in space...**_

"Can you hear- can you- yes! Yes finally!" Red tried to keep his victory cheer as quite as possible, despite the fact that he was locked in a torture chamber. Those things in advanced races are kept soundproof, because who wants to hear the screams of the severely depressed? In Irken history, Red had Tallest Spork to thank for that. Though the Irken barely lasted a day as leader he was previously the greatest Irken war general in history. No one screwed with that Irken and lived, unless you were that energy eating plasma monster thing. Then you could screw with anybody.

"What do you need my Tallest?" said the small voice from Invader Zee.

"All packed and ready for orders, my Tallest." Invader Stink barked.

"Are you alright my Tallest? I tried to contact the-" Invader Larb started,

"Is it true? Have we been conquered?" but Invader Flobee finished.

"I'm ready to die for you sir!" Invader Skutch saluted.

"I'm your biggest fan!" squealed Invader Sneakyonfoota.

"My Tallest-"

"Shut up!" Red jumped in before another Invader could shout out their word of support, "Yes, it's true, we have been taken over." Red then waited for all the gasps of shock to pass before he continued, "The enemy is in huge numbers, uncountable numbers. There are a lot of guys following one dude."

"Who do we go after?"

"Who's head gets to roll?"

"Or melted! Tee-he!"

"Shut up!" Red ordered again, "The name should be easy to remember but-" he froze as he heard a knock on the door.

"Alright jester, the Tallest wants to talk to you." the muffled voice drawled.

_'Shoot! I don't have time!' _Red felt his alien counterpart of a heart quicken in pace.

"Sir?"

"Orders?"

"The guy's name is Zim, but-" before he could add the details, the guard pounded at the door.

"What are you doing in there?"

"Um, I'm practicing my new act for your- _our_ great leader!" Red said in a sing-song voice.

"How stupid do you think I am?" Red heard the clicking and turning of the door's locks being opened. In panic he turned the signal off and whipped his sonar communications device back into his PAK.

"Look man I'm seriously bored in here!" Red couldn't believe an Irken who barely came up to his knee was giving _him_ orders. The little guy seemed unaffected by Red's plight.

"We are going to have to do something about your... uh, pack-thingy." the guard felt odd, what a strange way to structure a sentence.

"You're kidding, right?" Red narrowed his eyes. Inside, his PAK was quickly creating a wanted poster to send out universe wide. He seriously doubted that several handfuls of Invaders will be able to pull this off. "Why should I listen to you?"

"In your universe people may win simply by having the bigger weapon," the guard stated as he tightened his grip on the long pole he held, "but in my universe," he then pushed a button on the pole causing the rod to shine light blue, "it was done by tact, wisdom and strength." he then shoved the pole into Red's chest, sending out volts of electricity through his entire body. "Sweet dreams, you selfish prick." Red barely caught the laughter with his frayed antennae before everything went black.

_**Somewhere not here...**_

"Master betrayed the mission! Master betrayed me and joined the enemy's side! MUST DESTROY HARPY LADY."

Of course, Dib needed to remember that good things in this universe never lasted long. Ever.

_**Meanwhile, on a secret radio wave...**_

"He didn't mean Zim... not the Zim? Irken Zim?"

"That moron from academy? Yea, it's hard to imagine that..."

"There is no Invader Sim so he couldn't of pronounced it wrong by accident."

"Is there an Invader Jim?"

"My name's Tim."

"I'm Invader Kim."

"..."

"... ..."

"..."

"He would want revenge, being tossed aside and being made a fool to every Irken known."

"Heh, he's even a joke to our slaves. It's because of him the Vortians never take us seriously."

"But Zim doesn't have the ability to command an army. Not one capable of facing the Armada face on."

"He never was one for stealth either."

"Hey, you didn't see him when he completed Hobo 13 in a day."

"He what?"

"No way!"

"That took me three months to complete!"

"The quickest on record was from Tallest Purple himself and it took him one and a half weeks!"

"He made it through by sacrificing all of his comrades and cheating in the final round."

"Figures."

"Wow..."

"And don't forget what happened in the first Impending Doom Operation."

"He leveled us, his own people flat!"

"Why didn't I see this coming?"

"Who would? This is Zim we are talking about. He's been nothing but a virus."

"A defect."

"A flaw."

"The worst Irken who ever existed."

"He brings shame to us."

"Honestly, I'm surprised we haven't tried to kill him sooner. Be rid of the filth."

"Oh the Tallest have tried. They've tried so many times."

"Really?"

"This is going to be dangerous."

"And the thought of me being sent to Blorch was the most terrifying thing I could dream."

"We need to plan this carefully, we need to assign a leader."

"..."

"..."

"So, how tall are you?"

_**Still in a dungeony-like place...**_

He felt like he was in pain for hours. Lying on the floor in a position he wasn't used to, his mouth stayed slightly ajar, eyes only open in slits. In his entire life, he had never gone through this. Ever. He breathed carefully as any sudden movements caused sharper jolts of pain. Red had never been stabbed in his life. Well, not physically anyways. When you are Tallest you tended to get back-stabbed a lot and one had to master the position of asshole if you ever wanted a peace of mind. And because of his partner, he had to be a bigger asshole just to make sure he didn't find his gullible friend shot with an actual lethal laser.

_'Does it matter anymore?'_ He thought about sighing, but reconsidered the idea. His mouth felt dry, in a way that made it feel hollow. His conscious reminded him again that it would've never happened if he stayed in practice. He was a top Invader at academy but dropped it all when he saw his chance at politics. Chance meaning he kept growing and didn't stop until he towered everyone else but that one purple guy. _'Stupid...'_

There was something important, he was sneaking something before he was blasted by blue stars, and it wasn't drugs. Red eyes widened when it came back to him and immediately shut them close with a swear. How could one be in so much pain that moving your dammed eyelid killed?

_'I was making a wanted poster...'_ he commanded his PAK to relay how successful he was in sending the information. After a few painful moments, his PAK showed him that he managed to send it to eighty-four percent of The Irken Information Incorporation (The III). Yes, the author loves bad puns, how did you guess?

_'That was good,' _he thought, _'the others can take care of the rest. Surely, this big shot can't take on the entire universe...' _he began to pass out again, ignoring the warning his PAK was trying to give him involving the poster.

_**Somewhere in another room on The Massive...**_

"You really think you can control the universe?" Purple said with big sorrowful eyes, he still hadn't quite gotten over the cancel of one of his favorite puppet shows.

"Well if you thought you could," Zim was starting to think that maybe this guy was turning on to him, he was awesome after all, "what difference does that make for me?"

"You make it sound like you'll do it in less time." he shrugged, "Like, a hundred year mission instead of a three thousand."

"I could..." Zim tapped his face, "but I got to check and see if this universe is worth conquering."

"Wha-? How do you do that?" Purple stopped following Tallest Zim when heard the Vortian beside the new Tallest groan.

"I'm just going to check a planet." He sat in Red's old chair, "It's no biggy, it's just a small planet called Earth." Zim started wondering why a different universe would change the structure of a sentence this bad. It could be just him, after all the same would be held if someone from here had gone to his universe. _'I guess...'_ he added, not all that convinced.

"Um," Purple was starting to wish he heeded Red's warning, this Tallest Zim- _'What if he wasn't someone from another universe but the future?'_ Purple coughed, "I didn't hear you say Earth, ...did I?"

_**Meanwhile, returning from another successful mission...**_

One invader had stayed quite throughout the entire speech his Tallest had given and all the way through his fellow invader's conversation. Something wasn't adding up. It was true that Zim was capable of great (and terrible) power, but he would never purposely use it against his own people!

"I'll go to the planet which-I-dare-not-speak-it's-name and warn Zim of the terrible (and great) trouble!" his short, stubby fingers pushing the buttons required for lock-down and warp drive. "I'm not betraying my Irken Empire! I'm preventing a tragedy!" the tubby Irken cried pulling the last lever, making a U-turn.

"For the sake of the Empire I, Invader Skoodge, is ready for duty! ...Again!"

_**So on Earth...**_

Gir had somehow convinced himself that both Dib and Zim were some part of The Couch Conspiracy (The CC Señors). Even when the two had decided to call truce for the first time (again) to try to remind Gir that even they, pure enemies, can get along. "See? See Gir?" Zim tried to sound as cheerful as one could hugging something you really loathed, "Even your almighty master can love his true enemy!"

"Can't you love us again?" Dib tried hard not to spit into Zim's eye.

"NO. MUST DESTROY." Gir stomped as hard as a little robot could with his given weight on the sidewalk. So far he had chased the two around the housing area twice before running into the first part of the city. They think they can fool him after what they did? They think that they-

"Ta-tacos?" Gir whimpered. Zim released Dib and looked behind them. _'Oh what luck!' _Zim grinned, _'A stupid stinky taco stand! I never thought I would be so glad to see this thing ever!'_

"Yes Gir, I'll buy all the tacos you can eat as an apology for the horrible disaster." Zim nodded as Gir ran past the two of them and into the one of many Taco chains in the city.

"How are you going to do that?" Dib rose an eyebrow.

"By spending your stupid hyu-man money of course!" Zim scoffed at Dib.

"No," Dib shook his head, "how are you going to pay without a disguise?"

"Without?" Zim said meekly, as Dib calmly pulled out a camera from his jacket.

"Never mind," Dib starting taking a ton of photographs, "I forgot what I was going to say."

_**Somewhere, frying something...**_

One Irken who was busy getting orders from a five headed orange lizard had stopped when a certain ad popped up on the big television that was added to the ceiling recently.

**Invader 01101Zim (PAK code n33Dt0L1V3/Fr3), wanted Dead or alivE. Preferably de4d. Rewardd-d 5.6 billion bonies plus a rise in status and Invader QUO and a rea11y nice ship. Might have a good station in The AAArmada. (If nottt Irken your race will be parDONed from being destroyed or ENslaved (If yourrrr people are already conquered then we will stop enSL4VING your peopll1le and give you a c00l new planet to liv3 on with the monies earlier mentioneD and c0ol sh1p.))**

**Urs Trwly,**

**VPH**

**PSh: Sav3 Meeeee!**

"Whoa, that is one faulty wanted poster."

"Who's the idiot who forgot that spell check exists?"

Witnesses said that after seeing the ad, but that one Irken stayed frozen still, oblivious to the angry orange customer(s?) and apparently normal living habits as the Irken had fallen to her knees shaking from lack of air. But even after she remembered to breathe, she was having a hard time doing so as she was laughing hysterically. Mothers looked away as babies cried on, possibly throwing up on said mothers. Tears slushing down from her powerful purple eyes she wiped a tear from her birthmark under her left eye. As she finally calmed down enough for words to come out calmly she screamed this,

"Who's won now Zim? You thought you got rid of me forever did you? Thought you could exile me from your _stupid little_ planet, did you? Well who's won now? WHO HAS WON NOW?" ripping the chef outfit off of her worn purple uniform she strode out to the exit. Turning back only once more with a maniacal grin spread across her face she said her one last line in this chapter,

"Common Mimi, let's find out who the hell VPH is!"

* * *

To be honest, I don't know how Zim is going to survive. Everybody hates him and now they have a good reason to try to die getting him. It's a good thing Skoodge succeeds at everything that is thrown at him, Zim is going to need that.


	6. If Only My Nose Worked

**Chapter 6: I've Smelled Better Fan Fiction**

Dib wasn't taking advantage of Zim for long. Somewhere among forty-two and forty-six pictures in Gir remembered why he was in the city and blew up the taco restaurant. Zim screamed trying to avoid all contact with the flying American-pretending-to-be-Mexican food. Oh, and the debris and shrapnel, it would be good to avoid those too.

"YOU CAN'T BUY LOVE!" Gir shouted on top of the fallen taco sign with spicy sauce packets held tightly in each hand. "OH BABY, DON'T HURT ME, DON'T HURT ME, NO MOOORE..."

_**Still in prison...**_

He wasn't feeling himself.

Most people who say or think that use its term to mean they weren't feeling well. While Red felt that too, there was something deeper, clicking and burning in his PAK. He knew it had to do with that bizarre weapon, but he had no idea what is was all causing. For the past hour fifteen minutes and sixty-two seconds and counting he was thinking and seeing things that weren't his, and he didn't know why they were there, he didn't really have much imagination. Unknown bizarre past memories showed him cloaked in black wearing a strange hat. In fact, he thought the hat looked pretty cool. But he didn't understand why his skin looked so pale, or why he was swinging some weird glowing weapon around. But he was hearing something that wasn't there in the room with him, squealing, snarling, but it felt like something from another time... maybe another dimension...

_**Still not in prison...**_

They were getting closer. Purple never thought he was going to get so close to that horrible planet again. But then again, he never thought he was going to get close EVER until that day Zim managed to hack into The Massive's computer mainframe and drove it into a star and about seven planets that thankfully didn't have that highly toxic clear liquid on it. A star was nothing, but dread filled Purple's mind wondering what would've happened to him if Red hadn't discovered the problem...

"Red..." Purple just whispered under his breath. How was he doing? He didn't know. This guy had pulled him in and out of a lot of trouble. Was it really right to leave him where he was? No, it wasn't, but what could he do?

"Purple, are you alright?" The really tall Irken who called himself Zim asked.

"Oh yea, sure!" Purple waved his hands, "I'm just... thinking." Purple then noticed the look he was getting from the Vortian called Xavicdal. The feeling he was getting from him Purple couldn't name, but for the readers the author can tell you the feeling was a lot like when you were young and you thought one of your family members (mainly mom or dad) could read your mind. If you are an orphan, the author apologizes. "Um, can I help you?" Purple said cautiously.

"No," the furry alien narrowed his eyes, "but thank you for asking."

_**Still on Earth...**_

"I thought he forgot!" Zim moped, "Why is he back to trying to kill us?"

"Zim, this is your stupid robot we are talking about!" Dib rolled his eyes, "Remember the time when Gir decided you weren't doing your job right and decided to dispose of you?"

"Yea, but..." Zim paused to blink, "Hey! How did you know that?"

"Well one day-"

"Stalker!"

"Zim!"

"STAAAALKER!" Dib had nothing to say to this, other than shouting 'run!' when Gir discovered their secret hiding spot because someone wouldn't shut up. With all due respect, Dib was wholly and completely, a stalker. Admitting you have a problem is the first step, but getting Dib to admit that he owned over hundreds of pictures of Zim, some of them naked, and he now owned more of Zim's trash than he did of his own non-trashy stuff. The poor boy was really disturbing.

_**Still not on Earth...**_

"I finally located Zim's base coordinates! I'm sending them out to everyone!"

"Good job, Kim!"

"Finally, revenge!"

"You know, for a very small planet, he was hard to find."

"You know for a very SMALL Irken, I'm surprised we found him this fast."

"Ow!"

"Ha ha!"

"He he! Burn!"

"Hey guys look out! There is something fast coming up right behind us!"

Formation was broken and formed into a doughnut shape. All Invader's eyes watched as what looked like a crater pass through the opening and break into the ozone layer without slowing down.

"What was _that_?"

_**Still not on Earth or in prison...**_

Tak didn't give it a second thought when she stole supplies for her poor ship. She didn't even give it a second thought stealing new clothes, fabrics and wallpaper for herself and the control seat. And she only blinked a few times when stealing parts to add on to her precious sir unit. After she murdered Zim and got her all deserving reward she could easily pay everyone she ripped off and pay more to get even better stuff. In fact, she wasn't sure if she was going to do this as herself or pretend to be another species. The thought of owning her own planet was very tempting.

"Do you think we should add the plasma blades on the top and bottom of the ship or on the sides?" Tak asked her only friend as she pulled another dent out of her ship's side.

Mimi gave a few beeps before pointing it's hands left and right.

"Good choice!" Tak smiled as she pulled a protective covering over her head to prevent sparks from damaging her pretty green face, "I can't wait to get off of this God-forsaken place called Foodcourtia!"

_**Back to that other place...**_

Zim couldn't think the day could get any worse. His robot couldn't decide if he should live or die. One moment he would be tearing apart the city just to get at him and Dib and the next all he wants is a group hug. Despite the occasional outbursts of love Zim knew he was far from being safe with his little robot. Looking over where Dib was he smiled as he noticed all the nice looking scratches and bruises that covered his pale face. He wondered if there were more under all of those clothes. He didn't really care to find out, but it felt good to see him suffer.

"I like seeing you suffer." emphasized Zim.

"Oh yea?" Dib rolled his eyes as he pushed one of the bruises on Zim's head with a finger. "Same here."

"Ow! I mean, _ow_." Zim hissed quieter, glaring at Dib. Twenty minutes have gone by without them giving away their position and a little game of dare started nonchalantly behind the bushes they were currently hiding behind. They wanted the other to suffer, and yet still didn't want to attract Gir in their direction any time soon. So they gotten to the lowest of low to only making the other one suffer just enough not to give away their position.

"You know? This isn't going to work." said Dib, who was secretly captain obvious.

"Oh? Then what do you suggest, worm?" said Zim, who was not so secretly captain oblivious.

_**In a darker, more foreboding place...**_

A crack of light was let in once more as the guard let himself into Red's cell. Holding what only Irkens could recognize as food, he held it above the unmoving Tallest. "Hey lanky, yous hungry-" the guard stopped to slap his head, "What is with my mouth? I mean, my language!" he growled, "What is WITH this plac-" he made an attempt to gasp, but the spider leg that lodged itself into his chest caused him to only make a choking noise.

"Die... pig." hissed Red as he slowly pulled himself up. Though his eyes were hard with anger, a small smile cracked his lips as he towered over the frightened and failing Irken. He took the corn dog off the plate as the paled guard lost the strength in his legs and fell over backwards. "Thanks for the food." his smile growing bigger as he stepped on the victim's chest to hear the slow creaking noise in the ribcage before taking a bite. Not before long however, he spat the chewed remains on the new corpse.

"This needs ketchup."

_**Meanwhile, not going nuts... yet...**_

"Sir, we just entered the YEK90LL- ugh," the navigator commander slapped his head in annoyance and sighed, "you know the place I'm talking about. We are now entering it's borders."

"Hm, very good." Zim's antennae drooped a little in worry, "Very good, continue as ordered."

"Everything alright sir?" Xavicdal leaned over the chair with a look of worry.

"Yes. Yes, I think so." Zim leaned back into the chair, it was really quite comfortable. "It's just this universe's laws... they don't make any sense." he swerved Red's chair so it faced Purple, "But I guess, for those that have lived their whole lives here, it is we who are weird."

"Oh no." Purple shook his head, "This place has never made sense to me."

"Really?"

"Oh yea! Now that you mention it, we do say doom a lot." Purple said this in a tone as if this wasn't bothering him one bit, "It's very interesting, don't you think?"

"I wonder what this universe has with the word doom." Zim tapped his fingers again on the armrests.

"A warning?"

"That's a good guess," the Vortian butted in. Purple frowned, still not used to critters he's put into the slave market to have word over him. "but honestly, my lord, there is a chance that whoever is in charge could care less."

"A sad but true statement." Zim sighed, again.

"In charge? You mean, someone has already taken over this universe?" Purple felt awkward, it would look very stupid to try to take over the universe if someone else has already accomplished this.

"Not necessarily," Xavicdal spoke again, "It's just how the certain universe was built. Where we come from, there are no such things as invisible pink unicorns. You can't have something that is invisible and has color, it contradicts itself. But lets say there is a creature who can see invisible things, and that unicorn in it's ocular portrayal, is indeed pink."

"What?"

"Exactly."

"Okay, I got one last question for you." Purple gave in a tone that called in a challenge.

"Go ahead," the Vortian tried standing straighter in the moment of feeling more important.

"Who the hell named you Zav-ick-doll?"

Tallest Zim snorted.

_**Meanwhile, two guys who've been nuts...**_

"To Gir's eyes, we are both just as guilty." Dib then narrowed his eyes, "Even though YOU started it."

"Will you stop saying that? Because I'll never admit it!" said Zim, unaware that he has admitted it.

"Look, all the same we still have to work together." Dib clenched his teeth as he said the forbidden subject.

"Whaaat? Again?" Zim covered his mouth in shock, apparently not seeing this coming, unlike the readers who are reading this story.

"You can't go to your base, and I can't stay awake twenty-four seven." Dib moved some branches to peer through to check for any danger. "How else do you expect us to outlast Gir?" Zim then asked a question, but not the right one.

"What gave you the idea that I don't sleep?"

"You do?" Dib released the branches which then swung and smacked his face.

"Of course-" Zim grinned as Dib hissed some curses, "I mean, no! I never sleep!" but he corrected himself too late.

"We can take shifts." Dib rubbed the new scratches on his face, _'Then while you sleep, I'll knock you out, lock you up and-' _"Zim?"

The Irken continue to ignore Dib and stare behind him. Dib, taking the hint that there was something of interest behind him turned and his eyes looked up to the sky. Dib's first thought was a shooting star, but as it continued to get bigger and bigger and even brighter he started to think, maybe not. As it shot over them and over countless houses, a sound followed it. It was a low and reverberating.

"...what WAS that?"

"Whatever it was," growled Zim, "It's heading for my base!"


	7. What My Computer Thinks of Me

**Chapter 7: Gathering Rotting Data**

"This isn't safe Zim! Gir could see us!" Dib shouted as they ran down the sidewalk after the comet. His words right now meant nothing to Zim, and he was left ignored. Zim didn't want to think about Gir right now, so he won't. But he also didn't want to think what would happen if that, that rock ship thing hit his house. That one he couldn't help himself from thinking about. It didn't help when the rock shredded his roof and crashed behind the house.

"AUGH! Noooo!" Zim wept as he ran into his house to cry about it. Dib decided to run around the house and over the back fence to see the thing that caused the damage. When it was in sight, Dib stopped running and treaded carefully, not wanting to startle whatever it was. Just in case it was alive. When you are Dib, you can't be too careful.

As he crept closer, the rocks began to fall off, revealing a very steamy, damaged ship. Moving himself to the part that looked like the front, Dib set himself up for the stupid record and touched the ship with his finger.

"Ah!" he quickly placed his finger inside his mouth to warm it up. _'Why is it so cold? It entered our atmosphere with a forty degree angle and at that speed...' _The sound of cracking glass caught Dib's attention as he looked back up at the ship. Whoever was in it was still alive and it wanted out! Dib jumped side to side, unsure what to do with himself. _'I want to see what it is, but what if it isn't friendly? It could be a friend and help me against Zim! But it could also-'_

He wasn't given time to make up his mind. The shell of glass was chipped off and shoved onto the grass, causing it to freeze so fast more steam rose. Which still didn't make any sense in itself. Dib, backing away, saw a short round thing rise from it's ship. As it seemed to stretch, it slipped and fell onto the ground to join the rest of the world.

"Ow!" it squeaked.

"Um, are you okay?" Dib decided to take the chance to get friendly with it. But as he walked over as the steamed dissipated, his hopes were diminished as it picked itself up and dusted off it's robes,

"Greetings! I'm Invader Skoodge!" it saluted, "Do you know an Invader Zim? He's short, green, red eyes and has a really bad temper?"

"Oh yea." said Dib.

_**Now in a not so dark foreboding place...**_

He was searching for something. Something... sweet. It wasn't ketchup, he found that awhile ago. It was something that completed him. It just fit, like that hat he remembered. He never wore a hat before, but he had someone's memory of a nice black one. Sensing another Irken, Red commanded his spider legs to take him to the ceiling. He watched as another PAK-less Irken walked on by and into another hallway. As Red decided it would be faster to just keep traveling from above, knew he was in several levels of trouble.

One, someone who claims to be Zim but acting a lot more cooler than the Zim he knew, has taken over everything he owns and is now taking over Impending Doom Two. He didn't like the idea of his mentor, Lady Miyuki's last contribution to the Irken Empire, The Massive being so easily taken over by enemy hands. But what could he do? He didn't understand why he was caring this much, he was doing so well not to-

Two, the enemy has found him useless and his useless partner useful. Forced to be comedy when wanted and trapped in a jail when undesired. He's escaped but were can he go? What can he do? Why didn't Purple come see him? Was he not able to was he not-

Three, he hasn't himself. Himself would never kill in that manner and his taste in clothes were normally so vibrant. He liked black, but not as much as he was liking it now... Somehow, that idiot of a prison guard screwed with his PAK. It couldn't just be the electric shock therapy tweaking with his mind, or else it would be minor changes. But he has memories, memories that feel so, so cold and _fun_. He remembered that fake Zim talking about how they must not willfully harm anyone here, as they didn't know how it could affect them. _'But it only affected them by death,' _Red took a look at his hands for the first time since the incident. They were pale, sickly pale. Like in those memories that were not his. The spider legs stopped moving.

_'Am I dead?'_

He couldn't be, PAKs weren't designed to command dead bodies. You can't command something that had nothing to live for, the Empire tried many times and the tests kept coming back as failures. It just can't be done.

_'They are from the alternate universe. What if I can't die, because my alternate self hasn't either?' _It was a wild guess, but it was the only thing that he came up with that made sense,_ 'Either way, these memories must be from my alternate self.'_

The thought of not dying sounded really cool to Red.

_'But that still didn't account for the bloke I took out earlier, he still died.'_

There was no accounting for the guard's alternate self's state of living but as another PAK-less Irken walked by, he decided to test his theory. The spider legs releasing their grip on the walls, Red dropped down in front of the stranger. Not a warrior, this Irken jumped back frightened. Red, who was raised were all Irkens were at least on one level of soldierly did not recognize the potential culture difference.

"Hello." Red recalled the tone he was using was the one in the jail room. _'The alternate me seems to like killing more than me.' _it amused him, but he wasn't sure if it really was him who was amused. The smaller Irken stayed quiet, wrapping itself into a tight ball as if it was the only way it could defend itself. Readying his top right spider leg for a jab, a word came to him.

"...sword."

The littler guy loosened and his antennae perked up, "Uh, sword?"

He only knew what swords were because of the conquering of the lesser planets, but the one that was glowing bright in his mind, hardly seemed primitive. It did have a supernatural aura encasing it, but the powers Red was seeing was nothing to scoff at.

"Our, our only sword is in the historical mu-museum 089 level of-of the Leviathan..."

_'So did my alternate self die or retire?'_

"The Leviathan, eh?" the spider leg jammed itself right between the Irken's frightened small red eyes before climbing to the ceiling again. "It shouldn't be too hard to break in."

_**Back on Earth...**_

"Hey Zim," Dib walked into the still open door of Zim's base. But to feel less intrusive, he knocked on the wall, "do you know anyone by the name of Skoodge?"

"Why are you here Dib?" Zim glared at him through teary eyes, "Don't you see I'm grieving?"

"Zim!" Skoodge wedged himself between the two, "I've got to warn you about something! It's really bad!"

"Skoodge?" Zim fiercely rubbed at his eyes, "Why are you here?" another large sound came from overhead, but Dib figured it was a passing airplane.

"To warn you about something really bad!" when the sound stopped over Zim's house, Dib figured it was not, in any shape or form an airplane.

"Everyone thinks you're responsible for what happened to the Massive! I got to get you out of here!"

"Sir," interrupted the computer, "there are is a large number of unregistered voters entering the premises. Shall I dispose of them?"

"I'm famous?" was all what Zim could register. Dib was about to take a look outside the window to see what Zim's computer was talking about, but the answer was already walking through the door.

"Alright Zim, time to meet..." Slacks readied his gun before dropping it, "you know? I've got nothing."

"Your maker?" Zee added.

"We don't believe in that stuff, so it would not mean anything to him." Tim shrugged.

"I've got it," Invader El stepped forward from the group, "Zim, you are worthless."

"Nonsense!" Zim waved it off.

"Never mind, I've got nothing." El stepped back into the crowd.

_**Not on Earth...**_

"Commander, I found another body!" the reporter interrupted by bursting open the doors into the security meeting, "and I've got terrible news!" The Irkens and Vortians stared blankly back at the messenger.

"I'm assuming from shock and distress you said that out of order." the Irken sitting in the nicest chair said narrowing his purple eyes.

"I-" the Irken paused, then gasped as realization came over him, "Oh my! I'm so sorry sirs!" he threw himself in a bowing position.

"Get up," a smaller green eyed Vortian helped him back to his feet, "don't punish yourself too badly, the affects of this universe is making all of us sound a little weird."

"Th-thank you..." the Irken sniffed. Somehow.

"Who was it this time?" some tall dude asked.

"It was... it was the Flight Leader's oldest son Skoodge!"

"What?"

"No!"

"So much potential wasted..."

"Coming here was a bad idea! I don't care that our lord is searching for our lost lady, this is too dangerous!"

"We should evacuate this place immediately!"

"SHUT UUUP!" the leader slammed his fist down on the table, causing it to rock. "Ahem, excuse me." he added meekly, "but we have no idea how to get back. We came through what seemed to be a creature made out of pure energy. We've sent scouts to search and find another one like it, but I've been told we haven't found one yet."

"So, are we stuck?"

"For now." Concerned looks were shared around the room, along with a few homesick.

"What do you suggest we do now, Tak?" the small Vortian asked. The named Irken rose from his seat and placed his hands on the table,

"I think it's best that we won't tell Tallest Zim anything of this."

"What?"

"You sure?"

"Really?"

"He is so close to his- OUR goal," Tak clenched his fist, "he can't be distracted by this. She was important to all of us. Light years of people grieved her passing on that horrible day. By the way, in our universe, we are the best trained combined force ever seen! When we took over this piece of junk, it was a joke." he hissed as he pulled out his slim gray gun, "Don't tell me we are being outdone by a guy who led nincompoops!"

_**Meanwhile, not so organized...**_

"No, no my fellow invaders!" Skoodge waved his hands, "He must mean another Zim!"

"Skoodge," Invader Larb replied with boredom, "Just as every code in our PAKs are unique, so is our name. The only exception to this is when an Irken dies and the name is free to assign to another smeet. In our population of trillions upon trillions, this is why we all have stupid names." Other Invaders nod their heads in agreement.

"Well, that's just stupid!" Zim scoffed. It only seemed to assure him and Skoodge.

"Ha! You're doomed now Zim!" Dib cheered from way in the back.

"And in the honor of our Tallest, we will take over this planet." Skoo smiled.

Dib was downcast.

_**Meanwhile, not so downcast...**_

"We are at maximum range." The navigational commander spoke, "Shall I prepare a shuttle f-"

"Yes!" Tallest Zim leapt from the chair, "Xavicdal, take over for me!"

"Very good sir," the Vortian said a little meekly as he awkwardly sat in the chair that was much too big for him.

He felt he was walking on air as he exited the room. Which was stupid of course, it was just a figure of speech. But the feeling could not be killed. _'She could be there again, looking to the sky for answers.' _Tallest Zim told himself, _'Like it never happened, and yet it did. Somewhere else, were it doesn't matter anymore.' _he picked up pace, _'This time, I will do it right. This time, I know what to say.' _he was racing by his own people, not apologizing for the shock and messes he caused, _'We will never fight, it will be perfect. We WILL spend forever together-'_

He stopped.

_'I need to calm down.' _he corrected himself as he entered the docking room. He was panting from the run, but even after calming his body, his mind was still racing. It was like someone had slowed down the world, nothing was going fast enough for him. _'I need to calm down.'_ He repeated to himself again. Everything was in slow motion, the voices and sounds were blurred and low. Habit kept him from looking too ridiculous, as he nodded to the safety personal and waved to the gate warren when he entered the cockpit. Grasping the controls with his hands his small red ship dropped from The Massive and into space. _'I need to calm down.' _he pushed the buttons on the counter top for Earth's coordinates,_ 'After all, she could not be there.'_

_**Meanwhile, down there...**_

It was Dib's chance to ignore Zim's pleas as he walked outside and back to his house. Zim hasn't been easy, but every time he's tried to take over the world he still managed to stop him, if barely. But over thirty invaders? Dib felt so completely lost and upset he didn't here Gaz talking about the wonderful day she had without him or his father's new discovery in the labs. None of it mattered anymore. The enemy has won. He failed Earth.

Climbing onto his bed, Dib opened the window to look up at the night sky. This was probably the last time he was going to see it so clearly, and so beautifully. Dib sighed, he had dreams about fixing Tak's ship and going up there. Away from here, away from this planet that would not recognize all what he has done for it.

"Please," he whispered as he laid his head down on the windowsill, "please let this not be the end." Sadly for him and the readers, the chapter said, "I've lived long enough! Kill me!" And so I did. I plunged the knife right into it's neck. Words and data spewed from the gaping hole leaving nothing but an incomplete sent


	8. As Far as My Grandmother is Concerned

**Chapter 8: Frank Sinatra Is God**

Tak let a small giggle escape her as she played with her new ship's buttons. Air conditioning off, on or really on?

She was back in space again. Back in the bleak blackness of dark matter and occasional star with random flying ice and rock. She remembered a time when she would take her missions with a growl and complain to her android friend about the nuisances of trying to avoid the Event Horizons and Gamma Ray showers. There was a time when she'd swear she'd die from boredom if there was nothing to shoot at because most Irken enemies learned to recognize her symbol which she made sure was on everything she ever made and owned. It was like a copyright mark saying, _'Tak is here'._

She didn't have any modesty, something the majority of Irkens shared. She knew if the Control Brains had just given her a chance, they would of seen endless possibilities of talent. But no thanks to Zim she was a dirt cleaner, a rouge assassin and then a rouge chef. The only people that knew about her potential other than Mimi were the victims that managed to escape her grasp.

Only they (minus Zim) knew she was different.

She didn't see herself different, she obeyed the law (in a sense) like everyone else. There were no laws against making your own symbol. It looked nothing like the Tallest' so there couldn't be any confusion. No laws against doodling on your homework when you got bored. And yet all her teachers would give worried looks. There was nothing on staying to the dress code so she made her own uniform. Red got old so quickly and besides, she thought the coat tails on her uniform rocked. But as impressive as she might've been to the Empire, it didn't matter. There was no room for error.

"Alright Mimi, I need you to figure out a disguise for us." She swiveled in her chair. "Favorably a race that is nearly extinct. I want my new planet to have as few annoying neighbors as possible." Mimi saluted, gave a few beeps, and started to do research on whatever the Irkens have that is the equivalent to human internet. Mimi modem buzzed in frustration as the information site she tried logging into relinked her back to a site full of naked things.

Very naked things.

SO NAKED.

_**Meanwhile, in a room full of error...**_

After Dib had left there was a standstill of sorts between the two groups. A few Irkens would mutter to each other but for the most part it was quiet. One group easily outnumbered the other, but Zim was to be treated with caution. After all, if he managed to take out the armada while just sitting around here, who knew what he could do standing.

"Zim," Skoodge whispered to his antennae, "Zim, do you have a back door?"

"Plenty." He retorted. "Why are we whispering?" Skoodge shook his head and began to back away into the kitchen.

"It was nice having a invader reunion, my fellow invaders!" He tugged on the back of Zim's shirt in effort to walk with him, but Zim who naturally didn't get things was only being dragged back. "We should do this more often!" Making it into the kitchen, Skoodge looked for obvious signs of a back door, but saw none. "Zim!" he hissed again, "Where is your back door?"

"Well, it's not in here." Zim rolled his eyes with the look on his face giving the look of _duh_. "Duh." He said to emphasize.

"If you two are planning on escaping, let me remind you that it's two against... uh, a really big number." Kim shouted.

"How do we escape?" Skoodge yanked on Zim's shirt, "Common Zim, you must have an escape plan for emergencies!"

"Silly Skoodge," Zim gave a knowing smile to his slightly taller friend, "Of course I don't have an escape plan, Irkens never retreat!" For the first time ever on Skoodge's concerned face, there was a twitch of sadism. Zim just blinked.

_**Meanwhile, in another room in another house altogether...**_

While some people count sheep before they went to sleep, Dib normally thought of ways to unmask Zim (aside from literally peeling the skin off of his face). Due to events not foreseen (by him anyways), Dib went back to what he used to do before Zim took up all his free time. Stare at the sky and wish something would come down and prevent his future from sucking.

"Hey, you're sulking more than usual." He jumped at his sister's somewhat sinister voice as she entered the room, "I'm assuming that even though you have stopped Zim's latest stupid plan he managed to embarrass you in the most diabolical way in the process?" She sucked on the straw in her juice carton. "What was it this time? Should I have brought a camera?"

"Yes... and no." Dib turned his focus back on the sky. "I dunno."

"Strange," Gaz didn't sound curious, "you normally have a good eye for pictures."

"Apparently Zim has a bounty on his head." Dib began to vent. "The Irkens that have come to collect it are also going to take over this planet." He gave a deep sigh. "There's no way I can defeat them. The world is doomed." Gaz rolled her eyes, but Dib can't see behind his back and she seems to be terminally squinting, so the motion was implied by this sentence.

"Dib, the world has always been doomed." She waved to the air around her, again Dib doesn't have eyes behind his back. "If anything, Zim's been slowing it down not speeding it up." She walked back to the open door, "The human race sucks and you know it. Besides, he claims to the best from wherever he is from-"

"Irk." Dib corrected, Gaz's eyebrows twitched on the interruption.

"Still," she bit her lip, "He claims to the best. If that is _Irk's_ best, the other guys should truly be nothing."

"Gaz," Dib looked over his shoulder, "are you cheering me up?"

"Please," Gaz's face looked disgusted at the very idea, "if you are getting cheered up by me, of all people, this world is far beyond just doomed." Dib was about to laugh, but the realized the possible severe truth to Gaz's words. So he clamped his hand over his mouth. He didn't want to think of a world beyond doomed. It was like trying to imagine this story being updated at a decent pace.

_**Meanwhile, not in a room or a house...**_

He landed the ship as gracefully as one could with all of his years of experience. Entering the atmosphere was no trouble, and there were a few government missiles to block and destroy. He decided to park his ship not in an alleyway like he did before when he conquered the planet in his universe, but the city's forest sanctuary (don't get excited, it's just another word for park).

Exiting the vehicle, he was shocked to taste cruddy air. His eyes watered and he coughed a bit waiting for his superior immune system to kick in. When it did, the air still wasn't pleasant. His eyes scanned the weed covered area that was more of a trash covered area. Amongst the bushes one of them shook and a brown animal came out. At first Zim thought it was a squirrel (as squirrels never change appearance no matter what universe you are in), but as it's shaky body came closer with it's this tail wagging he realized it was something far worse.

"Um... good afternoon? Or is it evening?" He attempted to greet it. It's response was to continue limping in his direction making strange breathing noises. He took a step back, those large bulging eyes on the creature didn't seem to be looking at anything, and yet he felt as if was seeing everything. The bizarre scar on it's head seem to be from some tragic past, but it looked so _happy_. "Please excuse me!" Zim nearly squealed as he ran out of the park. Past crowds humans and into streets. Anything to add distance between him and that thing.

_What's wrong with me? I never under any circumstance run away from a potential ally, no matter how terrifying they seem! How rude of me! I must apologize later..._

When he stopped running, he found himself in front of a movie viewing house. Surrounded in humans and realizing he had no disguise on, Zim backed up against the wall, only to feel something wet and sticky touch his back. Letting out a little yelp, he stepped back into the sidewalk traffic. He was surprised again. He was easily sticking out oddly because of his height, but with his green skin, antennae and red eyes he was sure someone would notice. But if anyone did, they didn't act on it.

_'So... peculiar... Never mind, this is to my advantage if anything!'_

"E-excuse me, my good people." Zim quickly cleared his throat to grab attention, "Has anyone seen a young girl? Short, black hair?"

"Oh God, another gaming convention?" Someone from the crowd groaned.

"Pyramid head rooocks!" Someone else from the crowd did not groan.

_**Meanwhile, plot VS snail...**_

Zim didn't have an escape plan, but it didn't mean he wasn't capable of escaping when he set his mind to it. Throwing Skoodge at his fellow invaders, he was given enough time to go into the attic and get his voot cruiser. Being crazy amazing, Skoodge managed to euthanize several Irkens at only the price of his top shirt. In fact, to make sure his shirt didn't rip in vain he used it to strangle one Irken while keeping behind him as a flesh shield. Before Zim sat down in the main seat of his cruiser, Skoodge had beaten six Irken that haven't been given a name yet to be properly identified by the readers.

"Quick computer!" Zim shouted, pressing the buttons to shut down the base. "Load yourself into my voot's mainframe!"

"Yes sir." It complied. "But what of the robo-parents?" Zim looked out the voot's window to see the faithful slaves beating and running over screaming Irkens. Robo-mom prepared her house special, shoving someone's head into the oven while it was set on toast. Robo-dad occasionally picked up an Irken and just spanked them. Making them feel more humiliated than the ones in the oven who were just very dead.

"They're good where they are," Zim grimaced, "let's just get Skoodge and get out of here."

"Good choice." The computer sighed in relief.

"Eh? What was that?" Zim hissed as a robot arm pulled Skoodge from the room below and into the voot.

"I mean- wow, I would've never thought of that! You are so smart sir!"

"Better." Zim had the cruiser break through the roof. He rose higher and higher above his base before pressing what could be considered, the final button. A bright light spat out of the front of the cruiser and into the damaged house. "Take that!" He sneered. And the house did. It exploded in a satisfactory way you would want something to explode at the end of an episode, or at the end of a very long, challenging game.

Screw you, Neverhood.

Zim grinned, explosions were pretty and he never got to do it as often as he wished on this planet. Too busy admiring flying wayward sparks, he didn't notice the Irken sneaking behind him.

It wasn't really necessary for Skoodge to sneak up behind (of all Irkens) Zim, but it was protocol. Using one slightly damaged spider leg, Skoodge hit Zim across the back of his head. Grabbing him before he fell onto the controls, Skoodge then carefully placed him in the smaller back room.

"I know he means well," Skoodge told himself, "but he doesn't know what he is doing. It's the shock from discovering the bounty on his head. Don't worry, I've got this handled. I get everything handled..."

"Want to listen to some music?" The computer piped up hopefully. "Zim never lets me listen to music." Skoodge adjusting the controls, considered it for a moment.

"Sure. What do ya got?"

"I was hoping for Fly Me to the Moon, really."

_**Back in space....**_

"Our Lord went WHERE?" He shrieked into the terrified Vortian's face. Shaken up, but still trying to keep things calm, she whipped the spit from her finely furry face before placing her hands back to her sides. The Irken was at least twenty centimeters if not more taller than her. Using it to his advantage, he leered over her, sharp teeth of a carnivore baring over the vegetarian's eyes. _'Just because your in good favor with our Lord means nothing to me, walking food. You will and always will be an insignificant race...'_

"T-Tallest Zim t-took his personal voot down t-to planet Earth." She tried to speak louder, but she couldn't raise it above a tearful whisper. "He went looking for-"

"I know what he's looking for!" She flinched as he hit the wall behind her. "We all know what he's looking for! That's why we are here in this horrible excuse of an alternate universe!"

"P-please..." She crossed her arms over her chest, holding her shoulders tightly. "He wouldn't dare doom us-"

"You know, I'm really starting to hate the word doom." He hissed, pressing a finger under her chin, forcing her to look up.

"P-please, commander..."

"In fact, if I as so hear that word uttered from your mouth again, I'll kill you." He grinned.

"P-p-please commander," she gasped, "I realize there was a break in security earlier, but it was only a code green. Nothing-" His free hand hit the wall again.

"It sounds like you haven't been listening to the communicators very well," a thumb rubbed her chin, "because code green has been kicked out a while ago. It's now code rust."

"Rust?"

"The red themed ex-leader escaped, and we believe he was behind the murder of Skoodge."

"S-Skoodge is dead? You can't be-"

"My my, you really haven't been paying attention, have you?" She held back a whimper as he pressed her against the wall with his body. While the Irken was a warm blooded creature, his body's temperature wasn't as high as the Vortian's. "I'll let this be your warning now. No further excuses." Pulling back, he adjusted his uniform as the Vortian slid to the ground.

"Oh thank you." She sighed. "Thank you, thank you. I'm so glad you didn't kill me, for a moment I thought I was doomed." She giggled as he stiffened. She stopped when she heard the growl. "What are you doing?" She looked up to face a HS standard laser and froze.

"I warned you to not say that word."

"Doom? Oh God I did!" She squawked. "Please sir, I didn't mean to say doom, sir! I don't know what came over me, I normally would not say such a word! I meant to say I was finished! Not doomed! Please commander Tak, no! Don't doom me! Oh god, why can't I stop saying doo-" Because a laser is a strong, concentrated energy of light, their was no blood to clean from the walls, no brains to wipe from the floor. A single small, round, burnt spot on her forehead was any indication that she was murdered at all. Tak leaned over and lifted the body over his shoulder.

"I guess this word can't be helped but uttered." He sighed before poking her side, testing the firmness of her meat. "I'm really starting to loath this place."

_**Near ground zero...**_

Torn between despair and glee, the tinker toy saw the light. Not just any light, mind you. Not the scary ones that shot from Zim's house or the pretty ones that shot from Zim's house. Not even the ones that reminded you of the seventies at Zim's house. THE light (at Zim's house). The one that I recently typed about two sections back. It was so bright it took out Gir's visual circuits for a good ten minutes.

That didn't stop the robot in a long shot, it kept running in the direction it desired.

"Masta, no! Don't go boom boom!"

_**Not near anyplace really...**_

Dib, who was pretty depressed, got quite a surprise when you were gone. His sister barged into his room (for the second time) and dragged him out by the arm. Just as he managed to demand what was going on, she pushed him outside and pointed to a freaking bright light. He squinted in it's direction for a bit before facts began to sink in.

"But that's the direction Zim's base is in!"

"Duh." She said, sitting on a lawn chair pulling sunglasses over her eyes. "I'd thought you'd appreciate the explosion, since that's about the only thing we have in common." Dib stared back at the bright light that was slowly fading out.

_Is Zim ok? What if... _But he had to admit to his sister, that explosion was pretty cool.

Dib and Gaz were very aware they couldn't be the only ones watching this fading light. Unbeknownst to them, one of them was just outside their yard. And not really looking at the light. In fact, he was completely ignoring it. He was staring at something else.

"Dib? Is that you?" Dib immediately turned to see who the strange speaker was. Gaz only bothered to turn her head because she wanted to see who she was about to sick her attack dolls on.

"Wha- ah-" Dib found himself unable to speak as his eyes spotted the speaker, and then having to trail his eyes up and up to the speaker's head.

"Would you be Dib?" Dib choked again. This guy was Irken and he was TALL. He didn't look or sound like one of Zim's leaders, but he had to be a high raking official or something. Dib regretted admitting it, but after all of this time chasing Zim, he didn't know that much about the alien's culture. He scratched that to the fact he couldn't separate what Irkens considered normal and where Zim was just crazy on all accounts no matter what species you are. _Wait, he's asking for me?_

"Holy shit, you're tall." Was Dib's first words. The alien looked at him puzzlingly, as if it was trying to identify if that comment was an insult or a complement.

"Um, thank you?"

"Attack dolls," Gaz stood upon her lawn chair dramatically, "ATTACK!"

"What a hostile planet." Tallest Zim frowned shortly before he was covered in angry, stuffed animals.


End file.
